Adjust Your Lenses: Thinness is NOT a Virtue! PART 2

My Story, continued...

At age 22, I became a Christian and felt a peace and contentment I never experienced before.  Shortly after that, I married my husband and moved up north to San Jose, CA.  I was lonely up there because I didn’t have my friends or family around.  To make matters worse, my husband didn’t talk to me very much which contributed to my already shaky marriage.  Even though he was a “Christian,” we didn’t share the same views about God.  We were unequally yoked and had very little in common.

At age 23, I decided to stop taking the diet pills after being on them for over 6 years.  I felt that my mood swings added to the drama I was already experiencing in my new marriage.  This is when I started to balloon.  I gained 90 pounds in the course of one year!  I was unrecognizable to my family and friends.  It was one of the darkest times of my life. This time I spiraled into a very deep depression.  I even took anti-depressants for a few months to take the edge off, but it didn’t help because I felt like it slowed down my brain.  I was working at Intel at the time as an administrator, so I had to perform at my peak. So my doctor prescribed medications to give me a lift and sleeping pills to help me sleep at night. Quitting the diet pills didn’t stop the roller coaster ride, it made it worse!

I was a size 20 and hating myself! I didn’t fit into any of my fashionable clothes and had to trade them in for stretchy elastic pants and ugly skirts to hide my weight. I now had to shop in the plus size department. Back then plus size clothing wasn't as fashionable as it is today. It looked more like a tent with patterns. I felt horrible!  Thankfully my husband didn’t get angry or threaten to leave me. I hid from everyone. I didn’t want to socialize: One because I was always tired; and Two, the comments and stares were more than I could bare.

It took me over 6 years to drop 45 pounds with diet and exercise.  The last 45 pounds is weight my body doesn’t want to let go of without a fight.  I’m sure if I start taking diet pills or go on a crash diet it will come off, but the side effects are too great and I know that the weight will come back with a vengeance.  

What I Learned

I didn’t start loving myself until I was 40 years old.  This is tragic!  What’s more tragic though is someone who doesn’t love themselves their entire lives, just because they weren’t born with perfect looks and a body to match. This is what cultural pressures do to people.  I conformed to the masses and bought into the lie that I had to be thin and beautiful to be happy and worthy of love.  The love that eluded me most was the love I didn’t give to myself because of this lie!  Even if my family doesn’t accept my size, God has loved me throughout.  Now that I love myself, I can receive His love more freely and without any encumbrances attached.  

My value doesn’t come from my body size or my looks.  My value doesn’t come from my family’s love and acceptance.  My value doesn’t come from what I put on my body or who I am married to.  My value comes from Christ alone.  He is the only one who can redeem me from my former life, clean me up, and place a crown on my head!  He values me and that’s all that matters.

I was born big. This is how God made me. I will no longer conform and twist myself into what the world determines as beautiful. My short run in “The Haves” category didn’t afford me more happiness or lasting satisfaction. Sure life seemed like a lot of fun, but fun is always short lived when you don’t have Jesus as your resource. If anything, being thin and beautiful led me to commit more sin and gave me a sense of pride that God had to purge out of me. Temptation was all around. Many illicit offers and the false sense that I had control of my own destiny.   

True and lasting happiness didn’t come from being thin or beautiful. It came when I admitted I was a sinner and turned to Jesus for salvation. True peace didn’t arrive until I let go of everything: the money, the pretenses, the obligation to look good, the pressure to perform the way everyone expected. When Jesus took over, I was finally able to rest. This whole thing was progressive. It took time to slowly let go of things that God wanted to handle for me on my behalf.

Philippians 3:7-9
But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ. Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him.

I was so preoccupied with my weight and food intake all day long, that I idolized thinness more than anything else in my life. God didn’t put me on this earth to chase after beauty or thinness! I am happy just the way I am, whatever size I happen to be today. I will not listen to anyone telling me what beautiful is and is not. I am beautiful just the way I am. And regardless of how I look, I am LOVED!

Note: I am not condoning anyone to eat large amounts of unhealthy food nor being physically inactive.  We all have to be good stewards of our bodies; big or small.  Part of that is taking care of it and accepting what portion God gave us.

Dieting Again

I am embarking on yet another weight loss effort.  This time, I am not placing undue pressure on myself or obsessing over my size and calories.  I just want to be as healthy as possible without being overly consumed or preoccupied to the point of idolatry.  Since I injured my back, I have gained over 15 pounds and am feeling the tightness in my clothing.  I’ve been overdoing the carbs by eating pastas and brown rice like it’s going out of style.  Since the holidays, I’ve been overindulging on sweets and chocolates. 

Since I am a proponent of natural remedies, I am starting by doing a cleanse. Afterwards, I am going to ease slowly into a moderate Low Carb Diet, allowing one cheat day per week, and exercising 2 to 3 times a week.  This is what I can reasonably do and stick to.  Anything more is unrealistic and overreaching for my current lifestyle. If I want to do more, I will. If not, I won’t beat myself up; like I did in the past. Being disciplined is important to God and therefore I must be disciplined.  He is there to guide and support me every step of the way!

1 Corinthians 9:26-27
Therefore I run thus: not with uncertainty. Thus I fight: not as one who beats the air. But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified.

MYTH: Fat People are Lazy.
TRUTH: Fat people are some of the hardest working people around. They are usually exhausted from carrying all that weight around, yet they are productive and energetic trying to “keep up”. They have to live with more challenges everyday, but to have to face adversity from naysayers is not only unwelcome, but also demoralizing as well.

MYTH: Fat People Would Be Thin if They Just Stopped Eating So Much and Start Exercising.
TRUTH: Fat people experience hunger almost all the time.  Their bodies were designed to consume more. Their adipose tissue dictates the amount of fat their body requires. If you look at a St. Bernard Dog, it is built larger and huskier than a Greyhound who loves to run. I don’t see people ridiculing St. Bernards for not being as thin and active as Greyhounds.  Why?  Because people have an innate sense that God made them that way. Imagine a world that only had Greyhounds and Chihuahuas running around; no Bulldogs or Chow Chows. Life would be boring!  Why can’t people extend that same logic and understanding to God’s other creations?

A Chow Chow Puppy

MYTH: Fat People Can Take Mean and Scathing Comments About Their Weight Since They Appear to Have Thick Skin.
TRUTH: Fat people have taken verbal abuse, rejection, and ridicule from family, friends, and the media since childhood.  They live with the fact that they are NOT favored by man and that their lifespan may not be as long.  Most have to face Hypertension, Diabetes, Heart Disease, and Obesity in their later years. These diseases are probably less painful than the insensitive comments and “looks” received from so called “loved ones.”

MYTH: Fat People Just Need To Be MORE Disciplined and Have Self-Control.
TRUTH: Fat people are the most disciplined and self-controlled creatures on the planet. Since childhood, they have learned to deprive themselves even when they were hungry.  They had to control their appetites at parties just to keep the comments at bay. They have tried hundreds of diets where they have starved themselves with the “hope” that they could taste thinness and be accepted for once. Many have even undergone Gastric Bypass Surgery to STOP the Hunger. But as you already know, there is no lasting cure for Fatness.  So on top of all the obsessive dieting, they have to live with their FAILURES and predisposition to be fat.

Here is a short list of the Diets and Lifestyles I adopted in my quest for Thinness over the last 27 years:
Diet Pills
Lindora
Jenny Craig
Atkins
South Beach
The Zone
Weight Watchers
HCG Shots
Vegetarian
Raw
Vegan
Water Fasting
Dry Fasting
Cleansing
Juice Fasting
Colonics
Weigh Down
Working out with Trainers (on 3 separate occasions)
7-Day Programs at Resorts

MYTH: Fat People Need To Be Reminded That They Are Fat by Hearing More Comments and Suggestions So That They’ll Get Off Their Butts and Do Something About It.
TRUTH: Fat people wake up everyday and are reminded of their plight as a fat person every second of the day. They don’t have to get on the scale to remind themselves.  All they have to do is crawl out of bed and get a glimpse in the mirror to get a glaring reminder of their size. As they put on their stretchy clothes, they are constantly reminded. So “No!” a reminder, comment, or suggestion from a well meaning person is not going to sound an alarm. That alarm rings all day; everyday.  

Add to this, I’m sure the devil has a field day with fat people, whispering hateful comments: encouraging them to eat more, eat unhealthy foods since it doesn’t matter anyway, and to hate themselves since everybody already does deep down inside.

Proverbs 21:2
Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, But the Lord weighs the hearts.

If you were not born Fat, you will NEVER know what it’s like to walk in a Fat person’s shoes. If you have weight issues now due to overindulgence, aging, or hormones you still can’t fathom what it’s like to be predisposed to be Fat. You will never know the feeling of helplessness and hopelessness every time you look in the mirror. And you will never carry the scars from a lifetime of struggle and self hatred. So don’t think for one second that you understand what being Fat feels like. Nothing gets me angrier than naturally thin people who have eaten to their heart’s content since childhood without a care or consequence until now, can bark comments about Fat people like they are EXPERTS. Oh Please! Even physicians with their charts and diets cannot know what it’s like to be constantly told to diet, starve, and exercise; then you will be HEALTHY, LOVED, ACCEPTED, and won’t make others feel uncomfortable around you!

Being Tested

God put Fat people on this planet to test the hearts of man. To gauge the true condition of your heart and your sympathy for the poor. Someday you will give an account for every mean and insensitive remark or thought you ever made towards Fat people!

Psalm 101:5
Whoever secretly slanders his neighbor, him I will destroy; the one who has a haughty look and a proud heart, him I will not endure.

Matthew 25:40
‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.’

How are you doing on God’s Test?
Have you ever befriended a Fat person?
Have you ever loved a Fat person unconditionally?
Have you ever dated and married a Fat person?
Have you ever shown a Fat person love and kindness?
Or do you make negative remarks in your heart and steer clear of them as if being Fat was contagious?

The Bible has many verses about those who oppress the poor and needy. I truly believe that God wasn’t only talking about the financially challenged. Anyone who struggles in this life with physical, emotional, and/or neurological challenges has an extra helping of God’s grace and mercy. It breaks His heart when He sees His people torment or oppress the poor and lowly. If you are such an oppressor, you are showing contempt for God and working against His laws.

Proverbs 14:31
Whoever oppresses the poor shows contempt for their Maker, but whoever is kind to the needy honors God.

Romans 13:8
Owe no one anything except to love one another, for he who loves another has fulfilled the law.

Continue to PART 3