How Matthew 19 Can Save Your Marriage, Part 1

Matthew 19:1-9

Now it came to pass, when Jesus had finished these sayings, that He departed from Galilee and came to the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. And great multitudes followed Him, and He healed them there. The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?”And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?” He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.”

Have you read this passage before? 

I know I have, probably dozens of times over the years, but I haven’t taken it to heart until now. Over the last two years, God has been changing my views on Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage. So much so that I regret many decisions I made on these serious topics.

If I really understood this passage and took it seriously back in 2009, I wouldn’t be divorced today. I am hoping this article will shed some light on many who are considering divorce and/or remarriage.

Before we dive in, we have to establish three things first: 

1) That you view the Scriptures as truth and not just good philosophical reading, because if it's not true to you, this article is a moot point in your eyes. However, if you believe Scripture to be God-breathed and can be used for instruction for your life, you must take this passage seriously.

All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work. —2 Timothy 3:15-17

2) God takes His Word seriously. Psalm 138:2 tells us that He magnifies His Word over His own name. He place His Words above even Himself. In Matt. 24:35, He says, "Heaven and earth will pass away, but My Word will not pass away." This should wake us up to what His Words and commands tell us.

3) We must also establish that when Jesus spoke, His Words had authority over Scriptures written in the Old Testament. For example, the Old testament mentions certain foods are unclean for consumption, but when Jesus entered the scene, he declared all foods ‘clean’ (Mark 7:9). Jesus came along and ripped through many of the old doctrines and gave more stringent views of older paradigms such as adultery. 

“But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” —Matthew 5:28

So basically, whatever Jesus said, overrides whatever the Old Testament says about a certain topic or way of life. 

When Jesus was asked about divorce, he did not rehash what Moses covered in Deuteronomy. He went back to the beginning, re-establishing that marriage was sacred and binding. In other words, he was saying that God wanted to remove divorce out of their vocabulary.

“The two shall become one flesh … So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

Marriage is not only a physical union, but a spiritual one. God knits your hearts together as one. Marriage is like mixing white and black paint together. Once the two colors create gray paint, you can no longer extract just white or black from the mixture. 

Marriage is a union between a man and a woman for life. No man can separate what God has joined. Nor should anyone attempt it or covet it. It is a covenant not a contract. It cannot be broken just because one or both parties don’t perform.

A certificate of divorce written up by the state is only valid in this physical world, but in God’s eyes, the two are still one flesh. They can no longer be separated … except through death. He is the only one who can separate you from one another. Your days and life are in His hands. He has the final say for your marriage.

But because of the selfish, carnal, and covetous nature of fallen man, God had to make provisions to give man a way out of this union. God gave man a way out, but He did not give him a way into another marriage. He is still one with the woman he originally married.

Just because the state declared you divorced and stamped the documentation, you are not divorced in God’s eyes. And if you marry another, you are committing adultery. The only way you can marry another is if your original spouse dies, which is in God’s hands.

Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced from her husband commits adultery. — Luke 16:18

A Loophole With Consequences

So if you are a Christian seeking to divorce your spouse, know that you have Biblical right to do so only if sexual activity has taken place and has defiled your marriage bed. This does not necessarily mean that you have divine permission. If you are a Bible believing, born again Christian, you must pray and ask God for permission to leave your marriage covenant. Otherwise, you are walking in disobedience and you will pay the consequences for adultery.

Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God. —2 Corinthians 6:9

The media, the culture, and even the church says it’s okay to uncouple and re-couple with someone else. Celebrities are divorcing and remarrying … making it look fashionable and cool as they pose for magazine covers. …That blended families can work … with coordination, adequate counseling, and teamwork. …That there is happiness, joy, and peace after divorce. …That it’s okay because it will all work out in the end.

This is complete and utter rubbish! It may look okay on the outside, but inside the wounds are still there. The brokenness is an ever present entity. There is no recovery from divorce. The stench of the death of the marriage’s carcass is always wafting in the air … especially during holidays and milestones. All parties are permanently fragmented … especially the children. Who wants to live in two homes? Who wants to see their kids only half the time?

I came from a broken home and I still suffer as an adult! I have to dutifully and skillfully organize family gatherings with both parents so that they don’t intersect. I edit family videos and have the painstaking task of carefully editing two separate versions for my Mom and Dad so no one is offended! 

I tell you now that I am offended! Divorce is UGLY and painful! God is offended because He is not divorcing you no matter how much adultery you commit in your heart. He is still committed to you and your unfaithful idolatrous ways. My son Charlie will have to live in two households and celebrate the holidays in two separate homes for the rest of his life. He will have to split his time and split his personality to accommodate two varying households.

Divorce is a life sentence into brokenness, logistical chaos, awkward moments, and a lack of complete peace. I will testify to this truth! Divorce only complicates your life more. You will have to negotiate holidays, vacations, birthdays, etc. And keep a well organized spreadsheet to get the dates right so you know what day to pick up your child from school. It’s a lie that the devil plants into our hearts that everything will be okay once we leave our spouse, because a new, better looking, more romantic version will be waiting in the wings. In the end, you will only live with regret and remorse for not listening to and not adhering to God’s Word. You will have to spend nights in front of Netflix alone with a jar of peanut butter and a chocolate bar … wondering, “Was it all worth it?”

If you are honest with yourself, the answer would be “No.” If you look beyond the physical realm, you will soon realize that you bought into a lie that the matrix around you was orchestrated to usher you out of your cocoon for greener pastures. Your family was just part of the collateral damage of an invisible war waging for centuries between good and evil. And since your family was a casualty of this war, the points counted towards the evil team.

I am not sitting in greener pastures, but yellow, withering grass. It’s not pretty now matter how nice the pictures look. I have joy, but deep down inside I am sad. Not only for adding to the mounting statistics of this culture and adding points to the evil team, but especially that I did not heed this passage. I didn’t quite understand it. I was blinded by cultural norms. I bought into the lie that I could find true happiness outside of my marriage. I believed that another man could make me happier than Andrew did.

If you don’t already know, I went on hundreds of dates between 2009 through 2011. Although I couldn’t stand my ex husband in the end, I was inadvertently looking for his qualities in all the men I dated. I even became a Height Nazi, only dating guys who were a certain height because many of them were too short for my standards. Andrew is 6 foot 4 inches tall.

When Andrew remarried over two years ago, I was hoping to feel freedom and less sadness. But in all honesty, I felt like a part of me died. Many of my friends told me I was finally free from this marriage and I was free to remarry. But in my spirit, I didn’t feel free. I didn’t get a green light to date anyone or meet anyone new. 

This is when God had my full undivided attention. He started showing me all my wrongdoings in my marriage. The word Jezebel came to mind. (I plan to write some articles on this topic.) I repented of all those bad behaviors and mindsets. He started to clean my mind and conscience and placing truth and righteousness in their place. He even gave me peace and tranquillity after the roller coaster ride of divorcing, dating, and debauchery.

I implore you to read this passage. Commit it to memory. Ask God to make it real to you before it’s too late.

Go To Part 2

Other related articles:

7 Ways To Tell If You Are In A God Ordained Relationship

Marriage Was God's Idea

Why I Stopped Dating: Confessions of a Serial Dater

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